So What’s The Big Deal About Watching a Little Child Porn?

Get this. The mother of a 26-year-old man, caught with more than 1,200 images of child pornography on his computer (some of which he traded with others) is trying to get his 14-year sentence shortened. According to her, the fact that he has spina bifida and “could never be a threat to anyone, including a child, “should qualify him for early release.

Okay. Don’t get me started here. I need to wipe the froth from my mouth on this one.

What is this mother thinking and where was she when she had the opportunity to nurture fiber and integrity into the heart of her child? What part of not hurting the children featured in the images is she not getting? Does she not understand that when her son (who is arguably more diseased in his mind than in his body) watches child porn, he is participating in the abuse of that child? If there were no market for the product, there would be no product. The fact that this young man’s hands cannot physically touch the child through the computer screen does not prevent his eyes and brain from doing the job of molestation. People who watch child pornography are child molesters. They just molest with different parts of their bodies than do molesters who are in the actual presence of a child.

The problem is that child molesters don’t just fall out of the sky and appear in our lives; they are raised, often by nice people who would be horrified if they knew what their kids were into. While someone who becomes a child molester is responsible for his or her choices, it’s incumbent on every parent to be vigilant with what their kids are reading and finding on the internet. It’s not nice visiting your loved one in jail, wearing an orange jump-suit.

In the process of doing my research, it appeared that almost every case of child molestation was rooted in some form of pornography. It encourages an appetite for increasingly graphic images that has no bounds.

Michael Briére was a nice computer worker who never had any involvement with the police, until little Holly Jones walked by his house one day. Little did anyone know that he had been watching child pornography and fantasizing about molesting a real child. When he walked out his door that day, she was “just there” and the rest is tragedy.

Last month, the police arrested 60 men (including three teens) in Ontario and charged them with hundreds of child pornography offenses. These people came from all ages and walks of life - professionals, blue-collar workers - even a day-care worker. Many of them are probably asking, “Hey - what’s the big deal about watching a little child porn?” Some no doubt claim innocence on the grounds that they “didn’t touch any children.”

The subjects of the pornography, 22 little children, have all thankfully been rescued, but their childhoods have been stolen and their lives will never be the same. Their abilities to trust and have normal relationships will be affected for life.

Child pornography is not constructed from bricks and mortar, steel, plastic or fabric. Child pornography uses real children as its raw material - human children with needs, feelings, futures and dependence on adults to keep them safe. According to Karyn Kennedy, executive director at the Toronto-based Boost Child Abuse Prevention and Intervention, “One difficult aspect for victims is that many of the images will be irretrievable now that they’ve been shared online. I’ve heard victims that are 40, 50 years old talking about having to come to terms with knowing that somewhere somebody is looking at a picture of them.”

According to Det.-Sgt. Frank Goldschmidt of the Ontario Provincial Police, “In any of the Canadian crime trends this is probably one of the only crimes that is still on a fairly substantial increase.”

Thank God for the people in the trenches like Insp. Scott Naylor with the OPP’s child sexual exploitation unit who are out there doing all they can to protect our kids. “We’re constantly building software and changing software and manipulating software, because the people who are trading this are constantly moving from one method of training to another.”

They, and every parent with a child who has been abused, understand why watching “a little child porn” is a huge deal.

Two Years for a Lifetime

Two years for Graham James.
A lifetime for his victims.
Yesterday's sentence for James' abuse of Theo Fleury and Todd Holt left everyone shaking their heads in disbelief. How could any judge, with any comprehension of the magnitude of the effects of abuse on a victim and his or her family, determine that a two-year sentence (of which James will probably serve only 16 months) in any way brings justice to the situation.
If Graham James were a first-time offender, one might think that the judge might have had reason to give some credence to his words of remorse and repentance. But Graham James is no first-time offender. A previous conviction (for the abuse of Sheldon Kennedy and another victim) landed him in prison, serving 20 months for a three-and-a-half year sentence. What's his next sentence going to get him? Six months? Probation and a bit of community service with kids?
One of the most dominant characteristics of the character of an abuser is the ability to manipulate people and situations. Yesterday's judgment was a reflection of James' artful power of persuasion with the judge.
There is evidence that prison does its job with some first offenders. There are cases where predators have turned themselves around and gone on to live productive lives. However, a two-time offender needs to be put away where he can no longer threaten the safety of young people. If prison hasn't done its job the first time, it's unlikely that it will turn an offender around the second, third or fourth time. We have to keep our kids safe.
Hopefully, the just-passed omnibus crime bill, C-10, will make people who fantasize about molesting vulnerable kids think twice before daring to indulge their perversions.
Thank God for the architects and labourers of Bill C-10 and the officers in the trenches who strive, day after day, to protect and rescue victims of abuse. Thank God for the clear-headed politicians who made their voices count for the children of Canada.

The Secret

Predators depend on victims and their families keeping the dark secret to avoid further pain and heartbreak in the family. Keeping the secret does nothing but bring more pain - allowing the predator free rein on ruining lives. Revealing truth may be hard, but living in secrecy doesn't work. Dare to tell your story. Stop the destruction.

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Any of 19 foregoing warning signs of a predator need to be viewed within the context of an individual’s life. For instance, if someone enjoys playing with children in the company of other adults, that’s normal. If someone is a particularly helpful person but doesn’t seek out the company of children, that’s a wonderful thing. However, if combinations of the foregoing qualities are evident, there’s cause for concern and children need to be carefully watched around these people.

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19) Predators usually maintain an image of social acceptability, often taking leadership in children’s groups through which to gain the trust of parents and children alike. This is all part of the "grooming" process where victims are groomed to trust the molester. What appears to be friendly helpfulness is really part of a carefully choreographed agenda.

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18) If anyone expresses concerns about his or her behavior, a predator generally responds with denial and aggression, making the concerned individual feel like a fool. Nobody wants to feel like a fool, so without proof of wrongdoing, the concerned individual often returns to silence.
If someone's behavior is suspect or makes one uncomfortable, it needs to be questioned and, even if there is no proof of inappropriate or criminal behavior, children need to be protected from that person. If it's just a "feeling of discomfort," no fuss should be made in case the person is innocent. However, even without making a fuss, a parent or caregiver should take extra precautions to keep a child safe.

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17) Predators use playing with children at a peer level as a manipulative approach to intimacy; tickling, play fighting etc., to gain confidence and rapport and introduce the child to touching. As the child becomes desensitized to touch in appropriate places, the touch progresses to breasts and genitals.

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16) There may be interaction with young teens at a peer level, engaging in conversations about sex, crushes or whatever would not be normally of interest for an adult to discuss with a teen.

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15) They may have either a particularly charming personality or obvious ‘loner’ qualities, sometimes a combination of both. The charmers are socially appealing but often lack substance in their relationships. There’s no sense of genuine bonding at a heart level.
The lack of development of the capacity for intimacy results in emotional loneliness.

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14) Child molesters – or potential molesters – may have a desire for hobbies that seem more appropriate for a child than for an adult, like building miniature trains, collecting toys or whatever.

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13) Potential or active child molesters may exhibit behavior that seems too good to be true, perhaps being overly helpful.
The process of grooming a child to be abused is a process of gaining the trust of both the child and the caregivers. It's all about eliminating obstacles between the one about to be victimized and the perpetrator/predator. If that means being overly helpful, there's no job too big or no inconvenience too annoying if it will give the predator more trust, more acceptance or more opportunity.

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2) For some reason, child molesters (or those fantasizing about molesting) may seem to have disrespect for social boundaries.
There seems to be a disconnect between normal societal expectations of appropriate behavior - and the inappropriate liberties taken by those drawn to abusing children.
Just because someone doesn't fit the patterns of "normal" behavior doesn't mean they're abusing children. On the other hand, anything that seems like a warning light - could be.

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11) They may make reference to children in particularly exalted terms, such as “beautiful,” “adorable,” or other labels that are said in a way that seem excessive.

When healthy people comment on the appearance or attributes of children, it's normally said in a casual way; but when someone with an unhealthy agenda says the same words, there can be an uncomfortable sense of undercurrent, where it feels as though the assessment is too important to the person.

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10) People who either fantasize about molesting children or have actually begun abusive behaviors may appear disconnected from normal peers. Their thought processes are not in sync with those of healthy people and so they often disconnect from normal associations.

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9) There may be a continuation of inappropriate association with children despite concerns expressed by others.

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8) While pedophiles most often have failed marriages because of their sexual preference, they often stay in the marriage to mask their true intentions.
The mate becomes a “front” for a respectable life. While they may indicate to the spouse that they simply have no interest in sex, the reality may be quite the opposite.

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7) The person in question may have frequent changes of residence or jobs without much discussion about the reasons for the changes.

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6) Part of the "grooming" process many predators use to entrap children involves encouraging the child to develop feelings, ensnaring the young victim in a situation where the child feels that the abuse is legitimized by his or her feelings for the abuser.
This is a psychological process known as the “Stockholm Syndrome” where victims develop feelings of attachment to their captors in order to survive the situation. (As the victims mature, the affection for the abuser usually dwindles and the painful truth emerges.)

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5) He or she often uses structured access to children.

In order to groom a child and his or her parents for the planned abuse, many child molesters operate through legitimate connections to the child that will allow for the process of time the “grooming” takes. Teaching, bus driving, sports coaching, camp counseling and volunteering to help with children’s activities, all offer opportunities where trust allows the individual in question to be alone with children with no parental supervision.

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4) The person in question maintains few friendships in his or her own age bracket.

Because the perverted interests of a predator are so abhorrent to the general populace, there are few people with whom genuine, open friendships can be formed. He or she often appears to be a loner. Friendliness may be expressed more to children or teens who may give the respect naturally given to an adult, but so often lacking in the life of the person in question.

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3) Someone who could be a danger to children may show a preference for association with them instead of with his or her own peer group.

If someone has molested a child, there is usually a huge self-esteem deficit and straightforward interaction with adults is too challenging and too risky. If anything said were to tip anyone off, the facade of normalcy could crumble. It's a whole lot simpler to interact with children – and it provides opportunities for abuse.

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2) An emotionally dysfunctional adult may pay particular attention to a needy child.

Sexual abuse is not always about sexual issues. Power can be another motivator for violation of a child. An adult who feels powerless in his or her own life may prey on the powerlessness of a child to feel the power that eludes them. Whether power issues or sexual issues, a dysfunctional teen or adult is likely to see a strong child as unobtainable, but a needy child as a more likely candidate for abuse.

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1) If someone is a potential child molester, you may have a general feeling of discomfort in the presence of the person in question - maybe nothing you can quite put your finger on... but something's just not quite right.

In such a situation, the observer may feel silly about having suspicions and try to put them out of his or her mind. That's normal. But it's also a warning light to be watchful when children are involved.

The purpose behind Predator-Proof Your Family is sevenfold:

• To deter people who are fantasizing about molesting a child from acting on their fantasies

• To protect children from molestation through raising awareness on many levels

• To look at the new challenges of parenting in the 21st Century.

• To deepen the understanding of all levels of society affected by the molestation of a child

• To find healing for victims and families

• To encourage the kind of justice and community action that prevents predators from initial offending and re-offending.

• To demonstrate to all those who have been molested that we care very deeply about what you have endured and, in honour of you, are doing all we can to protect other children from sharing your experience.